Thu. Mar 28th, 2024

I wouldn’t be in ministry today if I hadn’t learned how to be patient and forgiving when offended or hurt by my church.

Sometimes, we expect more from the pastor and church staff than we expect from God. That will always lead to disappointment, frustration, hurt, and offense. It’s important to remember that the church is God’s house or gathering place, and He’s the head of His household – the family of God. The only perfect person in His house is Jesus! Everyone else, including pastors, elders, and leadership teams are imperfect people. They make mistakes. They can inflict hurt. They can offend.

People in the congregation are also imperfect people. We’re each at different levels of maturity. Some may think it’s their role to correct or admonish. Some are young Christians still learning about the Christian life. Others might not be Christians at all.

When I wrote the Crosswalk article, Is Watching Church Online the Same as Going to Church? , I was saddened to read many comments of people who stopped attending church because of a bad experience. Some never returned.

If you, like me, have been hurt or offended by people in the church, let’s look to the Bible to discover how we should respond. It’s kept me in churches where I know God wants me to be, even when everything in me says to run to another church. Don’t let a few people rob your joy of fellowship in Christian community.

Here are five common causes of hurt in the church and how the Bible says to address them.

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” Philippians 1:27

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Christian Fregnan

2. Confront

2. Confront

Confront the offenders directly, even if that’s the pastor or someone in leadership. Often, hurtful issues are resolved once we better understand the other person’s perspective. Other times, we can’t resolve the problem. Still, you have set your heart free and dealt with the issue in a biblical way.

“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.” Matthew 18:14-17, The Message

Photo Credit: Pexels

"I ask God for guidance in how to rise above the issue and carry on joyfully loving..."

“I ask God for guidance in how to rise above the issue and carry on joyfully loving…”

I’ve been hurt, rejected, criticized, judged, disappointed, misunderstood, and gossiped about both as a church member and a leader. But I never considered leaving God’s church or the meeting together of His people, keeping Hebrews 10:24 in mind.

I’ve had to patiently confront, forgive, ask for forgiveness, consider the source, ignore, and look objectively to see if I needed to change. I ask God for guidance in how to rise above the issue and carry on joyfully loving His people, loving the lost, and loving serving Him.

So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Hebrews 13:6

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Mason Wilkes

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